How Am I? Week 14 Blog Post in the Time of Coronavirus
How are you? Now more than ever it’s a loaded question. How many of us feel fine these days? How do we answer the question honestly?
When I hear from someone, or pass an acquaintance who I barely recognize while wearing a mask, I get the question, “How are you?” Before the Coronavirus I would say, “fine.” Fine was a quick and concise answer to a vague question. However, these days the query seems so fraught. I can honestly answer, “Fine,” meaning I have not contracted Covid-19 as of today. But have any of us really been fine through the pandemic?
This weekend I was walking down First Avenue on my way to a health food store. It was a destination walk, clocking around two miles. I like seeking out destinations. It perpetuates the illusion that I know where I’m going. In this case, I was picking up peaches. One of the few pleasures of Spring, 2020 is delicious, fresh fruits and vegetables. I’m grateful for the farmer’s markets and stores that provide us with these agricultural delicacies.
Step after step, imagining I was fine, I strode on a sunny day on the shady side of the street to stay cool. Suddenly a couple barrel out of a Dunkin Donuts with their masks down, ready to sip their iced teas. Without thinking I say “Hey, I’m right here,” a startled reaction indicating their lack of social distancing. And, the woman responds with deep distain, “Oh, shut up!” Well, that just did it. I felt like an indignant thirteen-year old when I said, “F&*%k you.” I kept walking even as I yearned to look back. Even in my frustrated ire, I remembered that a good exit means not turning around to peek. Yet I also knew in that moment my “fine” façade, was a thin veneer of acceptability, easily pierced with the slightest provocation.
As I continued south I thought of that woman. I’m sure she was having a hard time of it as well. Even so, when our paths crossed too close for my comfort, I was not in a charitable mindset. I found her petty and nasty. Not okay. And, I was petty and nasty, too. I guess we were well matched at that moment. Each of us unloading our pent-up frustrations.
I wonder if having unburdened myself of some negativity, it allowed me to enjoy my evening with Larry and Alex. Maybe releasing the emotional valve provided a reset.
So if I say, “I’m okay” or “I’m fine,” what I’m really saying is “I’m adequate given the extenuating circumstances.” But I’m not completely fine, as in, I have not been my best self. So, I’m using this time of continued social distancing, along with the Black Lives Matter movement, to learn and grow. Perhaps I can find healthier ways to release my anger. Then I will indulge in a fresh peach, eliciting joy in the midst of the stressful pandemic.
Self-Care Suggestions:
· Forgive ourselves. We may find that our tempers are short, or we’re not as restrained as we’d like. Let’s give ourselves some room for these missteps. Apologize when appropriate, but also make sure we can comfort ourselves since the outbursts might be an indication that we’re less than okay.
· Enjoy seasonal foods and beverages. Taste is a gift. Utilize that particular sense to derive pleasure this Spring.
· Stretch. Sitting for long periods of time tightens our muscles. Stretching is a great way to soothe our bodies and clear our minds.
· Keep a gratitude journal. Writing down three things for which we’re grateful each day helps us cultivate feelings of satisfaction.
· Make yourself comfortable. Check in with yourself to see if you need to stand, sit elsewhere, find a new pillow, or find a different position that brings comfort at a time when we’re dealing with uncomfortable topics.
