Goodbye New Year’s Resolutions

I ended last year and started this year slowly. I had a lot of plans, few of which were realized. And, that’s just fine with me. I got sick. Not very sick, not worrisome, just a run-of-the-mill cough and cold. In the past I’d power through, sticking to my schedule with a rigid devotion. But that wasn’t the case last month. I had to take care of myself, so I cancelled my plans and rested. I made no resolutions for 2020. And it was a relief to let go of any specific goals.

As far as my normal schedule, I am apt to be busy, so slowing down is a vast departure from my daily routines. Slowing down, resting, taking care of myself were not in my tool kit for a long time. But it’s a new decade on the calendar and in my personal life.

I lived a FOMO existence. Fear of missing out had me juggling work, family, exercise, the arts, and social-meet-ups. It felt invigorating in my 20s, 30s and 40s. But not so much in the last years. I hadn’t admitted it, but I did sacrifice rest and relaxation for a robust living experience. Being on-the-go was a way of life. I bought into the mantra, “You Can Have It All.” And, though I had a lot of rich experiences, it was far from having-it-all.

I am so fortunate to reside in a city that offers so much to its residents and visitors, alike. But capitalism is seductive, and having more, and doing more gives the illusion that we’re living the life. I miscalculated the value in taking it easy.

I guess it just takes a physical limitation to stop me from going full throttle. I’m so lucky that this time it was a mere cough that slowed me down. The other factor slowing me down is my age. My energy resources have diminished. I hardly feel sad about that. I just find that I have to be more selective in my extra-curricular activities. Working and going out four to five times a week isn’t a viable option anymore.

Today it’s raining, and I’m taking a respite. There are a few things to attend to at home, but I am consciously choosing to stay home rather than running to a museum, or, catching up on movies in time for the Oscars. Life is fluid. Being able to go with the flow is not so much a nonchalance attitude, as it is about reading the waves. Living in a time of a waning tide gives me a chance to breath, to meditate, to listen, to write. I appreciate that so much so that I’m experiencing “JOMO” or the Joy of Missing Out.