Consciously Unconscious, The Forty-Fifth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

I was taken off guard. I thought I was going through present difficulties consciously. I was meditating. I was practicing gratitude. I was reaching out to friends. And, yet the combination of a dear friend dying while adjusting to Larry, my husband, having a serious injury, along with the horrific world events, had me spiral so that I made poor choices, acted impulsively, and inadvertently hurt others, all while losing sleep. My reactivity was to repeat the pattern these last two weeks.

If I hurt you, I am very sorry. It is said that we can do better when we know better. It would have seemed that I knew better. I did not. I was in a fog of denial that prolonged my suffering. I wish I could say that I was kinder and gentler after I hurt others. Sadly that was not the case. It was only when I was being so hard on myself that I recognized very old behavior.

There is hubris in believing we are immune to unconscious behavior if we’re “doing all the…