Consciously Unconscious, The Forty-Fifth Week of the Second Year in the New Abnormal

Janet Zinn
3 min readNov 12, 2023

I was taken off guard. I thought I was going through present difficulties consciously. I was meditating. I was practicing gratitude. I was reaching out to friends. And, yet the combination of a dear friend dying while adjusting to Larry, my husband, having a serious injury, along with the horrific world events, had me spiral so that I made poor choices, acted impulsively, and inadvertently hurt others, all while losing sleep. My reactivity was to repeat the pattern these last two weeks.

If I hurt you, I am very sorry. It is said that we can do better when we know better. It would have seemed that I knew better. I did not. I was in a fog of denial that prolonged my suffering. I wish I could say that I was kinder and gentler after I hurt others. Sadly that was not the case. It was only when I was being so hard on myself that I recognized very old behavior.

There is hubris in believing we are immune to unconscious behavior if we’re “doing all the right things.” Being human is a process of uncovering our unconscious parts. It took a trifecta of stressors to have me dig deeper. Boy, am I humbled.

Since I am in the middle of learning what I have to learn to grow now, I have no wisdom to impart. I suppose I can share that we don’t know what we don’t know. I am hoping to continue the learning process so that I do know better and therefore can be better. These present life lessons are knockouts. I am getting up slowly to face them, hopefully with more compassion and kindness. I need that now. From what I’m seeing, we all need that now.

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Janet Zinn

NYC Psychotherapist, writer, wife, mother, & more...